We Threw Away a Plastic Bottle Today… But It Was Just One
Another winner for Best Onion Headline and Story:
‘How Bad For The Environment Can Throwing Away One Plastic Bottle Be?’ 30 Million People Wonder
As we’ve said before, funny because true. Also, sad because true, though. We admit we’ve thrown away recyclable items – because (shocker) we can be lazy a-holes sometimes. And it’s true there are other things we do that, especially when looked at on a larger scale, also contribute to the declining environment, climate change, the end of the human race, yada, yada, yada. So, do we all decide to go live in a yert in Alaska (yes, you know who you are and we’re talking to you), bathe weekly, knit our clothes, and eat only beans and the occasional wild boar? We like nature and all but somehow we don’t see it happening.
Instead, we’ll just continue to read The Onion, see ourselves in its pages, and laugh uneasily about it. Or maybe we’ll do something about it - by making small changes in our own lives and joining others to fight for environmentally-friendly laws and policies. Hmm - it’s a toss-up. We’ll keep you informed.
“…pretty much the entire states of Missouri and New Mexico calmly reassured themselves Monday that they definitely knew better than to do something like this, but admitted that hey, nobody is perfect, and at least they weren’t still using those horrible aerosol cans, or just throwing garbage directly on the ground.”
“Monday’s plastic-bottle-related dilemma wasn’t the only environmental quandary facing millions of citizens across the country. An estimated 20 million men and women wondered how wasteful leaving a single lightbulb on all night really was, while more than 40 million Americans asked themselves if anyone would actually notice if they just turned up the heat a few degrees instead of walking all the way downstairs and getting another blanket.
“Likewise, had they not been so tired, and busy, and stressed, citizens making up the equivalent of three major metropolitan areas told reporters that they probably wouldn’t have driven their minivans down to the corner store.”