Smiling in Orlando - Gee, Our Cheeks Hurt
You didn’t really think we could let this pass, did you?
Mickey Mouse Smiling Gas Mask
The city of Orlando held a contest to find two people to go to many, many different “fun” places and blog about them. Preciously, they call it “67 Days of Smiles in Orlando.” A nice marketing ploy but we sure think more smiles are to be had at a national park or on a cross-country drive, not in the Disney-filled streets of Orlando. But that’s just us.
Here are some excerpts of their blog posts with our own inserted thoughts and modifications:
“Fulton’s is a traditional style [traditional = authentic; traditional style = fake] crab house situated right on the water… in fact it looks like you’re about to sail away! Stacey and Kyle chose from their Magical Dining menu… a salad, prime rib, and dessert for $30 [yeah, all kinds of magic goin’ on there]. The food was great [with no other mention of how the food tastes, great = nasty], but one of the most impressive parts of the night was when we overheard a woman at the table next to us tell her server that she was allergic to dairy [also sounds magical].”
“After dropping off our belongings at the private cabana (which is definitely worth the extra rental fee [if someone else is paying for it] for excellent personal service, rain protection, and free beverages) we headed out to try out all the rides.”
“Strap on a life jacket, toss off the sunglasses, and let the rapids take you away! [no comment except for: really?]“
“I flew in from San Francisco and I don’t know how you feel right now, but my nails look hella great and so I feel like a million bucks. [Of course I’ll have to buy new friends with those million bucks because none of my friends in San Francisco are likely to speak to me after writing that line.]”
“Then it was off to the main event for the night: The Bangles [what, no Tiffany or Debbie Gibson available?] in concert… right in the lobby [because no one would have paid to see them]! We had so much fun singing “Manic Monday” and “Walk Like an Egyptian” [duh, they are the only songs of theirs anyone knows] at the top of our lungs (Stacey is still hoarse)!”
“… we all got to OPEN the Magic Kingdom with Mickey on his train [is that a euphemism?]. Yeah… that’s like MORE than a dream come true [yes, it’s a nightmare come true], and anyone can win the chance to do it! I couldn’t imagine a happier place on earth than sitting next to my 3 1/2 year old niece on all of the rides and seeing her smile from ear to ear. It was… for the lack of a better term… magical [that’s clever].”
There’s so much more but we just don’t have the bandwidth to cover it in all its cheesiness. Do we fault this happy twosome? Well, they did take the job and you know they’re not having as much fun as they say they are. They live in New York, for god’s sake. They’ll probably be thrilled to be back on the urine-smelling subway, going to the corner bodega when they get home. No more smiling for months. And in that case, it’s a happy ending as far as we’re concerned!
