Amazon Native Women Give Great Massages
Probably not the same cheekbones mentioned in the pitch
We’ll be the first to say it – we are the Gawker of travel websites. We received this extremely funny-especially-since-it-isn’t-supposed-to-be-funny PR pitch from one Eric Schwartz earlier in the week. As is our wont, we were planning on publishing it here and making fun of it. Creative? No. Laugh-inducing? Oh yes.
Then we happened to see that Gawker received the same PR pitch and did exactly what we were planning on doing. Great minds yada yada yada?
We’ll go a little farther than Gawker and publish the whole pitch here with our own emphasis added. Feast upon this:
AN INDIGENOUS SPA IN THE AMAZON RAINFOREST
[Name Redacted] Lodge, The Amazon Basin, Ecuador
The world of the spa has just been given an Amazonian manipulation spa novices and sophisticates alike will not soon forget. [Name Redacted] Lodge, located in the heart of the pristine Amazon Rainforest of Ecuador has created what they call The Indigenous Spa. Two native Quichua Indian women who reside deep in the forest but near the remote lodge walk barefoot for an hour through the forest from their huts to give their spiritual version- all one hour and 20 minutes of it- of the spa experience in the attractive spa rooms on the lodge grounds.
For $69 the participant is treated to a magical dusting away of evil spirits with special leaves brought fresh for each guest, next a footbath and foot massage with special scented plants also from the forest sets the transcendental mood, followed by the two women in harmony massaging the body. The women, who are immaculately clean and wear uniforms which do little to conceal their glowing aboriginal cheekbones and other attractive features, have very strong hands after toil since childhood in fields and in the home virtually without tools, but are surprisingly soft and tender when they massage just the right places. They add an organic milk-rice facial mask after they have worked the muscles of the backside and continue working the frontside as the mask dries.
[Name Redacted] Lodge began this project as yet another way to find sustainable work for its rainforest dwelling neighbors. Since women are in short supply for work outside the home the labor pool was small. Three groups of two have now been established and the women work in tandem for $69 the lucky rainforest resort guests are clamoring to shell out. [Name Redacted] (www.ohlookwehaveawebsitetoo.com) hopes to develop more Spa options for their female neighbors to develop and our considering a line of rainforest products like those used in the spa. [Name Redacted] shares the wealth as broadly as it can with most profits from The Indigenous Spa returning to the community as donations through their foundation, Helping Hands In The Forest.
With the guest now like putty in their hands they escort the thoroughly relaxed participant to a large stone tub where he or she sits in the center on a stool and receives what the women call their “Rainforest Shower” a final organic dousing with a concoction of herbs that have been brewed and cooled to a luke warm temperature which is lovingly poured over the guest removing the facial, and supplying new organic rainforest nutrition for the skin.
A Final rubbing of oil, based in Amazon ingredients, and the supple guest is given over to some fluffy towels and a lounge chair. If they are not in jungle heaven- the lodge’s surveys concur- they are certainly within whispering distance.
A tray of gorgeous tropical fruit arrives for the participant freshly prepared from the lodge kitchen and an energy drink, also fruit based which among other fresh juices, contains Noni and aςai. With the guest now sated inside and out the women, (one of whom has no identity papers and has never been to a city) smile and relax for a moment with the client. An intimacy has been shared, for the women, who speak only a handful of words in English and speak Spanish as a second language to their native Indian dialect have communicated much to their guest. And their guest understands everything.
Are PR pitches supposed to make you feel icky like you need a shower – but not one involving “organic dousing with a concoction of herbs?
Hmm, we notice that the “foundation” does not have a website that we can check out. Coincidence? We think not.
Apart from being really creepy about the “aboriginal cheekbones” and the whole “backside”-“frontside” stuff, this is written poorly and makes us cringe on so many levels, not the least of which is the glorification and “otherness” of living in a hut and walking hours to get to the lodge.
Let’s just say we won’t be taking advantage of [Name Redacted] Lodge’s spa anytime soon. Thanks, Eric!
Very good read. Very good to discover websites like yours. And I am very happy that yahoo made the translation tool (and that I found it). This way I don’t have to worry about the language. I’ll come back often. Thank you